I promised myself when I started this blog that I would be honest and open. At the time that I made that promise, I thought that the honesty wouldn't really have to be posted until we were actually ON the road, but this week I found myself struggling with some very draining issues.
As you know (or perhaps you don't), Danny and I have said that we would be on the road by September. I have told friends, family, neighbors, the grocery store clerk, anyone who would listen. "We plan to head out by September." It is the only thing that we have planned. Everything else at this time is sort of "fly by the seat of our pants".
Where will you head? Hmmm...probably (emphasis on probably) up the east coast to begin with.
How are you going to homeschool the kids? Well, we're going to a homeschool conference in May.
What kind of RV do you have? We don't really have one yet.
The questions (without real answers) are endless. And I always answer them with a smile on my face. Because no matter how uncertain the circumstances, I know that this is a trip that we are taking. I know with all of my heart that Danny and I have put countless hours of prayer into this decision. It is a plan that God placed on our heart years ago and the desire has only grown stronger.
In all of this, I am reminded of the phrase from the 'cliff' photo that I am so fond of, "When God leads you to a cliff, trust Him fully and let go. One of two things will happen. He will either catch you when you fall, or teach you how to fly."
That's where I am now...trusting in God. I know that he has lead us to this cliff and I am sorry that I allowed myself to fall into uncertainty. Everything that we desire for this trip, everything that we want for our children and our family, is built around a faith and trust in God. It is our deepest desire to bring Him glory. It is my prayer each night as I lay in bed and I know in my heart that God has brought us to this.
Proverbs 3:5, Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding.
Mark 9:24, "LORD I believe, help my unbelief."
Friday, April 27, 2012
Thursday, April 5, 2012
If you can't say something nice...
I watched this week as my little girl's feelings got hurt. Words were spoken by another, perhaps innocently, but to a little girl who, for reasons that I can not understand, struggles with her self image, they cut like a knife.
We were driving and she was in the passenger seat next to me. I could feel her suck her breath in...I could see her try so hard to be strong...maybe if she doesn't breath... then I saw her wipe away a tear...ever so slyly...and then there was another.
She continued to look out the front window. Perhaps if she didn't react, it would just go away. I reached over and touched her shoulder. I wanted to pull her close to me and take away her pain. I saw so much of me in her during that moment. So many times I had held back tears of pain caused by another's words.
Why do we insist on tearing each other down? Ephesians 4:29 says, Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear.
Did our mothers not teach us, "If you can't say something nice, then say nothing at all"?
I am afraid that I am guilty of not using my words to 'give grace'. Sarcasm flows from my lips like a river. Wikipedia defines sarcasm like this: Sarcasm is "a sharp, bitter, or cutting expression or remark" and Dictionary.com is not any kinder in their description: In sarcasm, ridicule or mockery is used harshly, often crudely and contemptuously, for destructive purposes. WOW! Is that really what I want to be known for? Sharp, bitter, crude and contemptuous? No! No it is not. And from this moment forward, I promise you, I will work hard to only speak words of grace. It will not be an easy row to hoe. But I must be a better example for my children. And I will work hard to 'build up' my children. They must know that they are children of God. They were created in His image and there could be nothing more beautiful.
Psalm 141:3 Set a guard, O Lord, over my mouth; keep watch over the door of my lips!
Amen
We were driving and she was in the passenger seat next to me. I could feel her suck her breath in...I could see her try so hard to be strong...maybe if she doesn't breath... then I saw her wipe away a tear...ever so slyly...and then there was another.
She continued to look out the front window. Perhaps if she didn't react, it would just go away. I reached over and touched her shoulder. I wanted to pull her close to me and take away her pain. I saw so much of me in her during that moment. So many times I had held back tears of pain caused by another's words.
Why do we insist on tearing each other down? Ephesians 4:29 says, Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear.
Did our mothers not teach us, "If you can't say something nice, then say nothing at all"?
I am afraid that I am guilty of not using my words to 'give grace'. Sarcasm flows from my lips like a river. Wikipedia defines sarcasm like this: Sarcasm is "a sharp, bitter, or cutting expression or remark" and Dictionary.com is not any kinder in their description: In sarcasm, ridicule or mockery is used harshly, often crudely and contemptuously, for destructive purposes. WOW! Is that really what I want to be known for? Sharp, bitter, crude and contemptuous? No! No it is not. And from this moment forward, I promise you, I will work hard to only speak words of grace. It will not be an easy row to hoe. But I must be a better example for my children. And I will work hard to 'build up' my children. They must know that they are children of God. They were created in His image and there could be nothing more beautiful.
Psalm 141:3 Set a guard, O Lord, over my mouth; keep watch over the door of my lips!
Amen
Tuesday, April 3, 2012
I'm Not Strong Enough!!!!
What is it that makes one day so very different from another? I can't remember the last time that I had allowed myself to slip into a funk over my health issues. What is shocking about all of this (at least to me) is that it isn't the myasthenia gravis (MG) that's upsetting me, it's the hypothyroidism. Really???? I mean, MG is chronic, lifelong, FOREVER!!!! Hypothyroidism can be controlled with meds. But, there in lies the problem. As ridiculous as it seems, I can't stand being on the meds. It's not like the medication has some adverse side effects. Quite the contrary. According to my GP, once we get the dosage figured out, I should actually experience increased energy and weight loss. I mean, who wouldn't want that? But he's also left me with no hope of ever getting off the medication. And THAT, my friends, IS the problem. You see, when my MG relapsed in 2010, I resolved myself to the fact that I would be on the medication to control it forever. Then when I started having problems with my thyroid, I swore that I would get off of the synthroid. But instead I have only seen the dosage increased. And as I understand it, as of today, I am maxed out! So what does that mean? I don't know. I just don't know... And I have been stressed. I have been on the verge of tears ever since I agreed to allow my dosage to be bumped. I feel...out of control. And I am not strong enough.
I love how God speaks to me through music. Ever since I spoke to the PA at the doctor's office telling him that I wanted to go ahead and 'up' the dose (I left the office refusing and with a Rx for the lower dose that I have been on), I have had Matthew West's song, Strong Enough, echoing in my head. "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me" (Philippians 4:13). Words I can not deny. Which leads my mind to another song, more words...words taken from Blessings, by Laura Story..."as if every promise from Your Word is not enough". Those words hit me like a brick every time I hear that song. Am I actually doubting God's word? I am a child of God. 1 Chronicles 28:20 says, “Be strong and courageous, and do the work. Do not be afraid or discouraged, for the LORD God, my God, is with you. He will not fail you or forsake you until all the work for the service of the temple of the LORD is finished." I know that my work here is not finished. And until that time comes, I will trust in the Lord.
♪♫...Well, maybe that's the point, to reach the point of giving up. 'Cause that's when I'm finally, finally at rock bottom. Well, that's when I start looking up and reaching out...♫♪
Matthew West, Strong Enough
And as things would work out, by the time that I had finished this post, I was already there, resting in His mercy and grace.
I love how God speaks to me through music. Ever since I spoke to the PA at the doctor's office telling him that I wanted to go ahead and 'up' the dose (I left the office refusing and with a Rx for the lower dose that I have been on), I have had Matthew West's song, Strong Enough, echoing in my head. "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me" (Philippians 4:13). Words I can not deny. Which leads my mind to another song, more words...words taken from Blessings, by Laura Story..."as if every promise from Your Word is not enough". Those words hit me like a brick every time I hear that song. Am I actually doubting God's word? I am a child of God. 1 Chronicles 28:20 says, “Be strong and courageous, and do the work. Do not be afraid or discouraged, for the LORD God, my God, is with you. He will not fail you or forsake you until all the work for the service of the temple of the LORD is finished." I know that my work here is not finished. And until that time comes, I will trust in the Lord.
♪♫...Well, maybe that's the point, to reach the point of giving up. 'Cause that's when I'm finally, finally at rock bottom. Well, that's when I start looking up and reaching out...♫♪
Matthew West, Strong Enough
And as things would work out, by the time that I had finished this post, I was already there, resting in His mercy and grace.
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