Friday, May 3, 2013

Day 223 - May 3, 2013

I have left many of you hanging and I am sorry for that.  I wrote this post (note, this is a jump to a previously unpublished post, in case you want to read it) some time back, I just never published it.  It never felt right.  It was a forced blog; something that I don't like doing.  I like to blog when the mood hits me.  "SLAM! Wow, I really need to write that down."  But unfortunately, those thoughts usually come when I am nowhere near my PC and when I finally do get there and want to write them down, they are lost to me.  I have also been known to be blogging away...great thoughts coming out of my head (or at least I think so) and my fingers will do something terrible.  I don't know what or how, but everything will be gone from the page; as if I had deleted it all.  And that is all it takes.  I can never recreate my thoughts.

Danny and I have decided that traveling on the road fulltime is just not a doable adventure at this time in our lives.  There are many factors; some more prevalent than others, but all adding up to the same conclusion.  We are not cut out for this life.

The children are excited.  When we told them of our decision, you would have thought that we had just scored the winning touchdown.  It was not quite the reaction that I was expecting.  But this has not quite been the trip that we had painted it to be either.

For me, I have my own personal struggles with our choice.  The one that weighs heaviest on my heart goes all the way back to this post.  If I truly believed that this was a God driven plan and I 'trusted in God with all my heart', then what does it say of my faith when I back away from the plan?  Does it mean that I was wrong; that I really did not hear God's voice in the first place?  Or worse yet, does it mean that I am no longer trusting in God to lead in my life?  I continue to pray over this.  I pray that God show us His plan for us.  That He be with us as we make decisions about our future.  I pray for wisdom.

For now, we will continue to live in Apopka.  We hope to find a home in the Conway area again.  Conway is mostly for the children's sake.  They want to get back to where their friends are.  Danny's business requires us to stay in the Central FL area or you would hear me pushing for a completely different state.  I do tend to want to please the children a little in our decision.  I feel like they made a huge sacrifice in taking this trip.  They gave up much and they have been troopers.  I laugh when they tell me they want their own rooms.  They have slept in such confined quarters that they are going to be very lonely when and if that day does actually come.