Friday, May 3, 2013

Day 223 - May 3, 2013

I have left many of you hanging and I am sorry for that.  I wrote this post (note, this is a jump to a previously unpublished post, in case you want to read it) some time back, I just never published it.  It never felt right.  It was a forced blog; something that I don't like doing.  I like to blog when the mood hits me.  "SLAM! Wow, I really need to write that down."  But unfortunately, those thoughts usually come when I am nowhere near my PC and when I finally do get there and want to write them down, they are lost to me.  I have also been known to be blogging away...great thoughts coming out of my head (or at least I think so) and my fingers will do something terrible.  I don't know what or how, but everything will be gone from the page; as if I had deleted it all.  And that is all it takes.  I can never recreate my thoughts.

Danny and I have decided that traveling on the road fulltime is just not a doable adventure at this time in our lives.  There are many factors; some more prevalent than others, but all adding up to the same conclusion.  We are not cut out for this life.

The children are excited.  When we told them of our decision, you would have thought that we had just scored the winning touchdown.  It was not quite the reaction that I was expecting.  But this has not quite been the trip that we had painted it to be either.

For me, I have my own personal struggles with our choice.  The one that weighs heaviest on my heart goes all the way back to this post.  If I truly believed that this was a God driven plan and I 'trusted in God with all my heart', then what does it say of my faith when I back away from the plan?  Does it mean that I was wrong; that I really did not hear God's voice in the first place?  Or worse yet, does it mean that I am no longer trusting in God to lead in my life?  I continue to pray over this.  I pray that God show us His plan for us.  That He be with us as we make decisions about our future.  I pray for wisdom.

For now, we will continue to live in Apopka.  We hope to find a home in the Conway area again.  Conway is mostly for the children's sake.  They want to get back to where their friends are.  Danny's business requires us to stay in the Central FL area or you would hear me pushing for a completely different state.  I do tend to want to please the children a little in our decision.  I feel like they made a huge sacrifice in taking this trip.  They gave up much and they have been troopers.  I laugh when they tell me they want their own rooms.  They have slept in such confined quarters that they are going to be very lonely when and if that day does actually come.

Day 181 - March 22, 2013

Changes in Attitudes, Changes in Latitudes...

This post has been on my mind for quite some time.  I feel like I have left everyone hanging...wondering...

We have been in Central Florida since late January.  We did a little "park hopping" when we first got here.  Finding a spot to park one's house can be a little daunting at times.  You would be surprised how packed the parks can be.  Things we didn't consider: school holidays, national holidays, bike week, SNOW BIRDS!!!  Currently we are sitting in a park in Apopka, FL.  It's not too bad.  It has all the amenities we need.  We have full hook-up, our internet hub works here, there are laundry facilities (which I really don't use much since I am only 10 minutes from my mother's home), there is a pool and even a putt-putt golf course.  It is really set up more for 'permanent' living.  Two of our neighbors have been here for 30 years!!!  Best of all, it's exceptionally inexpensive and we can stay for as long as we need.  NO park hopping!!  The things I miss: deer, trees, nature.  Hmmm...seems a little redundant.  :)  I really, really LOVE the great outdoors!

We are in a period of transition.  It is interesting to me that this time has come during the Lenten season.  It has given us lots of time to think...to reflect...to pray.  Dan has been working his business.    This trip has been draining in so many ways, but business is picking up again and Danny has been given time to train some new guys.  It has been a difficult life.  But one that comes with so many positives.  However, I am not sure that we are cut out for it.  We are old.  We have physical limitations and health issues.  Did I mention that we are old???

When we first settled here (in Apopka), I had committed myself to a few months.  Living in a 30' travel trailer with four kids gives us very little (read, NONE) time to ourselves.  Danny and I are used to getting up and having coffee together...talking about our day...what has passed and what is yet to come.  We haven't had that in some time.

Things have not really moved quite the way we had hoped.  I have always known that Hannah was not happy with the move, but I really thought that she would come around...and she has... or at least she has tried.  In many ways I feel as though I have failed the children.  I have not really had a set "educational plan".  It was my plan to "un"school for the first few months.  Let them enjoy the ride.  And we had some really good experiences in the beginning.  Maybe our first mistake was taking the month off at Christmas.  Sitting idle for such a long time stalled our progression...or maybe that's just an excuse....

I have started to do some schooling.  Hannah is taking some online courses and the other three are doing some book work and they are reading.  There is a wonderful community center not too far up the road and Gracie and Samuel have taken a "painting" class.  I have had an opportunity to talk with the children individually in an attempt to see how they were feeling.  Jacob is bored.  Gracie misses her friends.  When asked directly, both Jacob and Gracie admitted to missing school and their friends; they would be happier back in school.  Samuel misses his friends also.

Danny and I had an opportunity to talk a couple of days ago.  We both spoke openly about what our hopes were.  It's hard for me to say, in fact, I really haven't said it out loud...but we are planning to settle down again...in a house.  Things could change over the next few months, but I doubt it.  I am actually settling into the idea; reveling in the thought of having what is seen as a normal life.

I still feel like I have failed, but at the same time, I see it as a new beginning.  Goodness knows, we can't really go back to life as it used to be.  Heck, we don't own anything.  It will be a good time to start fresh...start new.  Do things the way we know they should be done.  We hope to still travel.  We would like to see DC before the kids go back to school.  I want to plan as many long weekends and all our summer vacations around travel.  I don't want our lives to go back to what they used to be.  I need them to be better.  More family...less worldly stuff.

The kids don't know.  I feel guilty every time I hear them or anyone ask about our next adventure.  In fact, until I hit "publish", no one will know.  Maybe if I just don't say it out loud, if I just don't hit "publish", it will all turn out okay.

I found this quote by Laura Ingalls Wilder, "The real things haven't changed.  It is still best to be honest and truthful; to make the most of what we have; to be happy with simple pleasures; and have courage when things go wrong."  I don't know if it really applies to what is going on in my life right now, but it spoke to me.  It took courage to step off of that cliff when we felt we were led to it and I know that God has been with us through it all.  It will take courage to hit the word "publish"...to let you all know what is going on...where we are in this journey, but again, I know that God is always with us.  We will continue to love and serve Him.  We will raise our children in His light and we will grow along the way.  We will stumble and we may fall, but we will get up and rise to a better day.

Tuesday, April 16, 2013

“Will you sweep away the righteous with the wicked?"

There were plenty of headlines to choose from this morning....Terror in the Streets of Boston...many that warn of graphic scenes.  However, this is the one I chose... Boston Marathon explosions attract an outpouring of help from city's residents.  I wanted to read about the good in this world, not the evil. But in a world where we are afraid to send our children to school or take public transportation...where evil lurks in our government and in our churches, sometimes it can be hard to see the good.  But it is there.  It is more abundant than we realize, it's just that we tend to allow it to be overshadowed by the bad.

Casting Crowns has written a song, Jesus, Friend of Sinners.  The words speak loudly to me...of me.  How many times have I been the righteous one ready to cast the first stone?  I especially like the line, "the world is on its way to you, but it's tripping over me."  It resonates in my soul, reminding me that I am but a sinner.

Mahatma Gandhi is quoted as saying, "Be the change you wish to see in the world".  I understand that what he really said was, “If we could change ourselves, the tendencies in the world would also change. As a man changes his own nature, so does the attitude of the world change towards him. ... We need not wait to see what others do.”  Hmm...it still works for me.  But if you are a stickler for technicalities, how about this one: "You must not lose faith in humanity.  Humanity is an ocean: if a few drops of the ocean are dirty, the ocean does not become dirty." ~Mahatma Gandhi

There is evil in our world.  There is no denying that.  But our world is not evil.

Like Abraham pleading for his people, we must plea for our world.  But as we do, we need to be careful to not forget the plank in our eye.

A small body of determined spirits fired by an unquenchable faith in their mission can alter the course of history.  ~Mahatma Gandhi


Wednesday, January 30, 2013

Day 130 - Just Catching Up

I am up late tonight.  Don't know why.  I am really mad at City Data Forum and I guess that is what has my brain spinning.  I had posted a question on each and everyone of the individual 48 contiguous state forums asking what time of year and where I should visit.  I had gotten some feedback and was looking forward to reviewing it and using it to help guide us on our travels.  Well, it seems that I did not follow the rules.  There's this little thing about 'cross posting', very specifically, "Do not post the same message to multiple forums, this is cross posting and multiple posts will be removed".  Oh, yeah, it's in there.  They sent me the link.  I'll be honest, I'm one of those people that rarely reads 'the rules'.  I mean, who does?  At least not when it's for something that seems so irrelevant.  If I was enrolling my children for something or applying for something, say, financial...I'm all over every last word.  But social networking?  Nope, can't say that I have.  Well, they deleted it all!  Every last stitch of well intended advice and kindness.  I got back out of bed and voiced my thoughts on the whole thing.  Not that it matters, it's just a social internet forum, right?  Hence, my not reading the rules.

Anyway, here's what we've been up to since my last post...

After the trailer was ransacked, we spent a couple sleepless nights worrying about the 'what ifs', then we gave it over to God and started getting some rest.  Seems the guy was 'identified'.  I'm still not sure if he was arrested.  Things don't work quite the same way in TN as they do in Orlando, FL.  The father of the homeowner actually spotted the guy that stole everything out riding on the 4 wheeler.  He confronted him and called the police.  He got the 4 wheeler back that day, but we haven't heard anything since we left town.  Suffice it to say, they just don't move that quickly up there in them mountains.

We left North Carolina and headed to our good friend, Debbie's house in Virginia.  We could  not have asked for a better hostess.  Martha Stewart ain't got nothing on her!!  The day we arrived, Debbie had prepared pork tenderloin with half a dozen sides and fresh, homemade rolls.  For dessert there was chocolate cake and oatmeal cookies.  A day didn't go by that Debbie didn't cook for us.  Oh, what a treat!

It rained the entire time we were visiting, but we still managed to make it out to Bristol, TN.  Or was it Bristol, VA?  Wait!!  It was both.  Who would have imagined a town with a street that ran right down the state line?  How much fun is that?

Danny didn't make it out with us that day.  He had not gotten much sleep the night before and was tired.  It is a good thing that he stayed back.  Poor thing was in bed with a fever the entire time we were gone and ended up with a stomach virus.  Worse part of that was that we were due to head out the next morning and really needed to get gone.  There was a 'winter weather advisory' that snow was heading our way.

Well, we did manage to get out and made it all the way into Columbia, SC.  We spent one night in a hotel and then another couple at Sesquicentennial State Park in SC.  We did not make it to the Capitol Building, but we did eat at Lizard's Thicket and I got to the laundry mat.

On our way back to Florida, we had a tire blow out.  Danny was driving at the time (thank goodness). We all heard it blow.  We couldn't have asked for better circumstances, we were right on I-95 at an exit.  For a brief moment, I was concerned about Danny having to change the tired on the shoulder of the Interstate, then I remembered that we were member's of Good Sam Club.  One phone call and an hour later we were back on the road.

We stopped in Jacksonville for the night, stayed in a Redroof Inn and had breakfast at Cracker Barrel before heading back to Orlando.  Since we were coming in on a holiday weekend, we had trouble finding a campsite.  We ended up at Magnolia Park in Apopka, FL - my hometown.  This gave me some time to catch up with my mom and abuse her washer and dryer.

We are taking some down time to do some necessary 'business' and plan the next trek of our trip.

It is good to be back on the road and in the trailer.  I will tell you, after about two weeks in that house in NC, Danny and I started to feel like we were being held hostage.  Having paid for a month's rental, we were stuck in one spot and it wasn't really sitting right with us.  After the break-in, it only got worse.  There is a wonderful sense of freedom to the life that we have chosen.  I plan to sit back and enjoy it for however long God sees fit to allow us to live this dream.  Your prayers are appreciated and I truly enjoy that you are following along on this journey with us.

Praying God's blessing on each of you.

Sunday, January 6, 2013

Day 106 - January 6, 2013

 A fun fact - We spent 100 days in 2012 'on the road'.  That makes keeping up with 'what day it is' in 2013 much easier.

On December 15th, we moved into a home for a month.  I have felt like a 'cheater' since then.  Posting that I am on day 106 doesn't seem like much to brag about when I have spent the last several weeks living it up in a real home.  I have had the luxury of a king sized bed, children's rooms further than arms length away, a washer and dryer that don't require quarters, a dishwasher, a large shower with Jacuzzi tub, a separate bathroom for the kids, a full sized oven that I have utilized for baking goodies for the kids and some fairly decent meals (if I don't say so myself), television with cable, and unlimited wifi.  Outside there is a firepit that we have enjoyed a few times and a hot tub that has also been utilized.  It has all been rather nice...until today....

Today was a lazy day.  It was well after noon before Hannah and Samuel decided to go outside for awhile.  It wasn't long before Hannah was back at the house announcing that the doors to the 'barn' were all open.  Danny went down to check it out only to find out that the barn and our trailer had been robbed.  The home that we are renting has a few outbuildings.  One of them that we refer to as the 'barn' has a full kitchen a some other things stored in it.  We have been in it and were familiar with some of the things that should have been there.  The obvious, the homeowner's 4 wheeler was missing and also a chainsaw that Danny had used to take down our Christmas tree and a battery charger that we had used.  The cabinets had been left open, but I don't know if anything else was missing.  Our trailer, which was parked right in front of the barn, had also been ransacked.  Thankfully, what little we do own was, for the most part, at the house with us.  It is shocking to realize how brazen the people who did this were.  It looks like they actually pulled a cooler over and sat around and drank for awhile.  There was some beer and a vodka bottle.  I don't know, maybe that stuff was already down there and they just pulled it out.  They would have had to take a flashlight into our trailer to search around because there is not power to it right now.  They pulled out a couple of drawers and tossed them out.  They got my 'laundry' quarters!! They took some pretty insignificant stuff. We will have to go through it and clean it well and figure out what all they got.  They took some of my clothes that I had left out on the bed.  I guess they had a 'big woman' to clothe.  I keep imagining them saying, "Mama's gonna be happy."  It looks like they got some of our personal checks (we will have to call the bank first thing in the morning) and the biggest worry that I have...it looks like they got an external hard drive that I had stored under the dining seat.  It had A LOT of stuff on it from my old PC...pictures, personal info, who knows what.  There was nothing of real 'monetary' value.

I keep thinking of 'what could have been' or 'what could still be'.  From the house, we cannot see the barn without going out on the front deck.  However, you can see the house from the barn.  I would imagine that they were keeping an eye on us.  It had to have been after we were in bed.  They must not have come up near the house.  The car was unlocked and it doesn't appear that they went into it.  But our minds are reeling with thoughts of days past.  Danny had told me one day after we had had some snow that he felt that there were some large footprints out back around the house.  He had also seen some deer tracks and some dog prints, so we wrote it off to a hunter tracking a deer.  The 4 wheeler wasn't an easy steal.  They would have had to have a trailer or a truck to load it into.  And I keep thinking, "what if they come back".  I can understand how people feel violated after something like this happens.

The homeowners are out of town on a sky trip.  I felt really bad when I phoned her with the news.  Her parents came up to check on things.  They were here when the sheriff arrived.  As it turns out, a sheriff lives up the road 'just a bit'.  We are truly in the middle of nowhere.  This was no easy feat.  No, "hey, lets run around the corner and rob the neighbors".  I'm a little befuddled.  We'll keep the lights on outside tonight.  I keep wanting to go out and look down on the barn and the trailer, but I don't want to alarm the children.  I don't want them to feel my anxiety.  The sheriff said that he would have the other sheriff drive by a few times tonight.  I don't like it.  I don't like the way it has left me feeling.  We have camped in the middle of nowhere in the last few months and I have felt safe.  Tonight I am uneasy.