What is it that makes one day so very different from another? I can't remember the last time that I had allowed myself to slip into a funk over my health issues. What is shocking about all of this (at least to me) is that it isn't the myasthenia gravis (MG) that's upsetting me, it's the hypothyroidism. Really???? I mean, MG is chronic, lifelong, FOREVER!!!! Hypothyroidism can be controlled with meds. But, there in lies the problem. As ridiculous as it seems, I can't stand being on the meds. It's not like the medication has some adverse side effects. Quite the contrary. According to my GP, once we get the dosage figured out, I should actually experience increased energy and weight loss. I mean, who wouldn't want that? But he's also left me with no hope of ever getting off the medication. And THAT, my friends, IS the problem. You see, when my MG relapsed in 2010, I resolved myself to the fact that I would be on the medication to control it forever. Then when I started having problems with my thyroid, I swore that I would get off of the synthroid. But instead I have only seen the dosage increased. And as I understand it, as of today, I am maxed out! So what does that mean? I don't know. I just don't know... And I have been stressed. I have been on the verge of tears ever since I agreed to allow my dosage to be bumped. I feel...out of control. And I am not strong enough.
I love how God speaks to me through music. Ever since I spoke to the PA at the doctor's office telling him that I wanted to go ahead and 'up' the dose (I left the office refusing and with a Rx for the lower dose that I have been on), I have had Matthew West's song, Strong Enough, echoing in my head. "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me" (Philippians 4:13). Words I can not deny. Which leads my mind to another song, more words...words taken from Blessings, by Laura Story..."as if every promise from Your Word is not enough". Those words hit me like a brick every time I hear that song. Am I actually doubting God's word? I am a child of God. 1 Chronicles 28:20 says, “Be strong and courageous, and do the work. Do not be afraid or discouraged, for the LORD God, my God, is with you. He will not fail you or forsake you until all the work for the service of the temple of the LORD is finished." I know that my work here is not finished. And until that time comes, I will trust in the Lord.
♪♫...Well, maybe that's the point, to reach the point of giving up. 'Cause that's when I'm finally, finally at rock bottom. Well, that's when I start looking up and reaching out...♫♪
Matthew West, Strong Enough
And as things would work out, by the time that I had finished this post, I was already there, resting in His mercy and grace.
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