Changes in Attitudes, Changes in Latitudes...
This post has been on my mind for quite some time. I feel like I have left everyone hanging...wondering...
We have been in Central Florida since late January. We did a little "park hopping" when we first got here. Finding a spot to park one's house can be a little daunting at times. You would be surprised how packed the parks can be. Things we didn't consider: school holidays, national holidays, bike week, SNOW BIRDS!!! Currently we are sitting in a park in Apopka, FL. It's not too bad. It has all the amenities we need. We have full hook-up, our internet hub works here, there are laundry facilities (which I really don't use much since I am only 10 minutes from my mother's home), there is a pool and even a putt-putt golf course. It is really set up more for 'permanent' living. Two of our neighbors have been here for 30 years!!! Best of all, it's exceptionally inexpensive and we can stay for as long as we need. NO park hopping!! The things I miss: deer, trees, nature. Hmmm...seems a little redundant. :) I really, really LOVE the great outdoors!
We are in a period of transition. It is interesting to me that this time has come during the Lenten season. It has given us lots of time to think...to reflect...to pray. Dan has been working his business. This trip has been draining in so many ways, but business is picking up again and Danny has been given time to train some new guys. It has been a difficult life. But one that comes with so many positives. However, I am not sure that we are cut out for it. We are old. We have physical limitations and health issues. Did I mention that we are old???
When we first settled here (in Apopka), I had committed myself to a few months. Living in a 30' travel trailer with four kids gives us very little (read, NONE) time to ourselves. Danny and I are used to getting up and having coffee together...talking about our day...what has passed and what is yet to come. We haven't had that in some time.
Things have not really moved quite the way we had hoped. I have always known that Hannah was not happy with the move, but I really thought that she would come around...and she has... or at least she has tried. In many ways I feel as though I have failed the children. I have not really had a set "educational plan". It was my plan to "un"school for the first few months. Let them enjoy the ride. And we had some really good experiences in the beginning. Maybe our first mistake was taking the month off at Christmas. Sitting idle for such a long time stalled our progression...or maybe that's just an excuse....
I have started to do some schooling. Hannah is taking some online courses and the other three are doing some book work and they are reading. There is a wonderful community center not too far up the road and Gracie and Samuel have taken a "painting" class. I have had an opportunity to talk with the children individually in an attempt to see how they were feeling. Jacob is bored. Gracie misses her friends. When asked directly, both Jacob and Gracie admitted to missing school and their friends; they would be happier back in school. Samuel misses his friends also.
Danny and I had an opportunity to talk a couple of days ago. We both spoke openly about what our hopes were. It's hard for me to say, in fact, I really haven't said it out loud...but we are planning to settle down again...in a house. Things could change over the next few months, but I doubt it. I am actually settling into the idea; reveling in the thought of having what is seen as a normal life.
I still feel like I have failed, but at the same time, I see it as a new beginning. Goodness knows, we can't really go back to life as it used to be. Heck, we don't own anything. It will be a good time to start fresh...start new. Do things the way we know they should be done. We hope to still travel. We would like to see DC before the kids go back to school. I want to plan as many long weekends and all our summer vacations around travel. I don't want our lives to go back to what they used to be. I need them to be better. More family...less worldly stuff.
The kids don't know. I feel guilty every time I hear them or anyone ask about our next adventure. In fact, until I hit "publish", no one will know. Maybe if I just don't say it out loud, if I just don't hit "publish", it will all turn out okay.
I found this quote by Laura Ingalls Wilder, "The real things haven't changed. It is still best to be honest and truthful; to make the most of what we have; to be happy with simple pleasures; and have courage when things go wrong." I don't know if it really applies to what is going on in my life right now, but it spoke to me. It took courage to step off of that cliff when we felt we were led to it and I know that God has been with us through it all. It will take courage to hit the word "publish"...to let you all know what is going on...where we are in this journey, but again, I know that God is always with us. We will continue to love and serve Him. We will raise our children in His light and we will grow along the way. We will stumble and we may fall, but we will get up and rise to a better day.
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